He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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