I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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