my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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