I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
