I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
How's work?
Spinning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize