I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
