I got chris browned last night
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
