I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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