Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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