She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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