1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Please, let me fuck your mom
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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