i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
