Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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