I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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