every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
