Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my liver is dry heaving
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
