Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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