hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
