I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
