NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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