This dress was meant to end up on your floor
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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