This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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