Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
