I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize