K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
