Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
