So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
