I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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