Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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