I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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