I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I currently don't understand fingers.
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