apparently the secret to your success is patron
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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