I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
