Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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