By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
