Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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