the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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