I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
