I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
