It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
