so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't deserve a penis
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
