I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
