im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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