SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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