no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
