Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am spending my child support on dildos
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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