If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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