her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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