i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
