And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
