she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Houston, we have a blender
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
