just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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