OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
