stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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