they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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