btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
