The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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