I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
