Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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