remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
