I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
