My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
