do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
