Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
