There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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