So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
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