Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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