Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
