Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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