sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize