im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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