"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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