I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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