he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Are we still banned from the library?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
