I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
