You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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