I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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