So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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