It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
