I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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