If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
