i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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