Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
