how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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