i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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