hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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