I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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