My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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