I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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