the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
