Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
