Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
nutella sex= disaster
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
