just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
