Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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