just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize