Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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