Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
