did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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