This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
ttyl tear gas
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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