I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
