I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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