I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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