Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
