you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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