Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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