come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
