so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize