Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
