Will you blow on my dice?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
