I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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