just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
