Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
