Will you blow on my dice?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
