You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
